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Updated: May 15, 2018

On the last day of the holidays, my son learned to tie his shoelaces. It was so wonderful to see him achieve this. His initial reaction to new things is generally "I can't". This is pretty devastating to his self esteem and difficult to watch as his mum. His attempt at shoelace tying last year went badly and he's been scared to try again ever since. We often talk about the negative voice that says, "I can't" and how we can add just one little word that changes the feeling of that statement, "I can't, yet". Can you feel the difference in that? Well he finally got it on Sunday. His first attempt didn't go so well and the usual "I can't" tantrum happened. I agreed with him that he can't "yet" and that can only change if he keeps trying. Reframing that in his mind gave him permission to try again, and again, and sure enough, success! His face split into a huge smile and I could see the pride fill his chest as he took a big breath. I followed on with asking, if he had stopped his practice the first time his brain said, "I can't" would he have been successful? He quickly answered "No". I then asked what feels better, listening to your mind saying, "I can't" or ignoring it and doing your best. He said, "Ignoring it".

That same day he went on to read a chapter book and drive a very fast remote control car over jumps that he had been scared of using up until then. He was able to shove his limiting mindset out the way give these things a go.

He inspired me. It made me think of all the times I say "I can't". Actually, I often don't even say it. The thought doesn't even need to be conscious. It seems there is a big book of bullshit (let's call it BBB) that I carry around. I know it inside out and back to front subconsciously. Inside are all the things I've told myself over the years that "I can't" do, so I don't even need to refer to it. As I have gotten older, these beliefs have solidified into things I tell myself that are within my skill set and, things that are not. Where's the growth in that?! Thing is, this is the absolute opposite of what I try and teach my kids. So my "sunday afternoon realisation" did 2 things: firstly, BBB shrunk. I didn't know it at the time but it did. It is now a medium book of bullshit (MBB) or maybe it's a small book of bullshit (SBB), I haven't checked. I get the feeling the more I talk about it the smaller it gets, yay! Secondly, it gave me a heap more energy & drive, I think BBB was kind of heavy. And all I did was add the word "yet" to my limiting beliefs just like my little guy did and shoved that limiting mindset out of the way. Want to know what I achieved in the past few days with my new found energy and drive?

-I finished this website

-I booked a workshop date & venue

-I wrote a 3 hour workshop program

-I created a facebook page

-I wrote my very first blog post (yep you're reading it)

Up until Sunday I had massive resistance to all of these tasks. For a person who can't create a website, nor a Facebook page, who doesn't blog & who can't see why anyone would want to attend my workshop, I did pretty well. And, the workshop is already half full in just 24 hours (check out The Sunday Afternoon Retreat under classes if you're interested). So BBB thank you for keeping me within the snug safety of my own comfort zone but I want to be a good role model to my kids like my kids are to me.

If you feel like leaving a comment or naming something in your BBB so it gets smaller, please do! Thanks for reading, Katie x

  • Writer's pictureKatie

You've probably heard this one but here it is again:

If you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will jump out. But if you place it in a pot of tepid water and turn the heat on low, as the water heats up, the frog will stay there and before long, allow itself to be boiled to death.

Change is such a sticky topic. I think it gets us all. Getting older. Moving house. Becoming a parent. Losing a parent. Children growing up. Changing jobs. Retirement. It pokes us in that vulnerability spot, in a sense it’s a loss and as humans we mourn loss and avoid it if possible.

Then there are times when we have started to realise we need to make a change. Maybe there is toxicity in our thoughts, behaviours, relationships. Or maybe we have started to notice we've formed habits that don’t serve us well. We often sit with this discomfort for a long time before doing anything about it or even acknowledging it’s there. And you know some of us never move out of this stage at all, the discomfort becomes a familiar frenemy and we expect it to stick around. And that doesn’t make for a happy existence. 

What I am talking about here is called the contemplation stage of change, where we know we need to do something differently but we’re not sure what, or whether we really want to.  Just like our good froggy friend, we sit in the pot and boil ourselves almost to death before feeling forced into action. And for some of us, it feels too late- our mental/physical health is compromised, we’ve lost relationships closest to us, our marriage has failed, maybe we’re addicted to a substance as a way of coping with the hot water we are sitting in.

Or, we just feel like a ball of anxiety/anger/sadness that feels too tight and gnarly to ever untangle.

Moving from contemplation to action takes a few steps. The first one is the awareness that there’s actually a choice going on, a choice to keep sitting in hot water or to do something. Then it takes courage to start, to do something different. This involves a little bit of willingness and the insight that ‘now’ is a much better time to start than down the track, especially if you are already in pain. Lastly, having a bit of support from someone who can help the path become clearer is really helpful.

So, if you get the sense your wellbeing is being compromised because you’ve been sitting in the contemplation stage of change for a while now, can I help? I offer 1:1 appointments locally that can really shift people’s level of wellbeing. Being trained somatically, I work with both the mind and body to help people experience more capacity and happiness in their life. We store, stress, anxiety and trauma at a cellular level so using processes that engage the body memory as well as the mind dramatically increase the effectiveness of treatment.

If you would like to call to book an appointment or discuss this further send me an email via my contact page.

Katie x

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