On the last day of the holidays, my son learned to tie his shoelaces. It was so wonderful to see him achieve this. His initial reaction to new things is generally "I can't". This is pretty devastating to his self esteem and difficult to watch as his mum. His attempt at shoelace tying last year went badly and he's been scared to try again ever since. We often talk about the negative voice that says, "I can't" and how we can add just one little word that changes the feeling of that statement, "I can't, yet". Can you feel the difference in that? Well he finally got it on Sunday. His first attempt didn't go so well and the usual "I can't" tantrum happened. I agreed with him that he can't "yet" and that can only change if he keeps trying. Reframing that in his mind gave him permission to try again, and again, and sure enough, success! His face split into a huge smile and I could see the pride fill his chest as he took a big breath. I followed on with asking, if he had stopped his practice the first time his brain said, "I can't" would he have been successful? He quickly answered "No". I then asked what feels better, listening to your mind saying, "I can't" or ignoring it and doing your best. He said, "Ignoring it".
That same day he went on to read a chapter book and drive a very fast remote control car over jumps that he had been scared of using up until then. He was able to shove his limiting mindset out the way give these things a go.
He inspired me. It made me think of all the times I say "I can't". Actually, I often don't even say it. The thought doesn't even need to be conscious. It seems there is a big book of bullshit (let's call it BBB) that I carry around. I know it inside out and back to front subconsciously. Inside are all the things I've told myself over the years that "I can't" do, so I don't even need to refer to it. As I have gotten older, these beliefs have solidified into things I tell myself that are within my skill set and, things that are not. Where's the growth in that?! Thing is, this is the absolute opposite of what I try and teach my kids. So my "sunday afternoon realisation" did 2 things: firstly, BBB shrunk. I didn't know it at the time but it did. It is now a medium book of bullshit (MBB) or maybe it's a small book of bullshit (SBB), I haven't checked. I get the feeling the more I talk about it the smaller it gets, yay! Secondly, it gave me a heap more energy & drive, I think BBB was kind of heavy. And all I did was add the word "yet" to my limiting beliefs just like my little guy did and shoved that limiting mindset out of the way. Want to know what I achieved in the past few days with my new found energy and drive?
-I finished this website
-I booked a workshop date & venue
-I wrote a 3 hour workshop program
-I created a facebook page
-I wrote my very first blog post (yep you're reading it)
Up until Sunday I had massive resistance to all of these tasks. For a person who can't create a website, nor a Facebook page, who doesn't blog & who can't see why anyone would want to attend my workshop, I did pretty well. And, the workshop is already half full in just 24 hours (check out The Sunday Afternoon Retreat under classes if you're interested). So BBB thank you for keeping me within the snug safety of my own comfort zone but I want to be a good role model to my kids like my kids are to me.
If you feel like leaving a comment or naming something in your BBB so it gets smaller, please do! Thanks for reading, Katie x
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